W. C. Fields
Aphorisms Attributed to This Aphorist
'Twas a woman who drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy to thank her for it.
Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
If at first you don't succeed, try, and try again. Then give up. There's no sense in being a damned fool about it.
Never give a sucker an even break and never smarten up a chump.